PURCHASE: DOES SEX HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE?: A Guide to Developing Your Ageless Sex Life.

Book Corrections: Countless read-throughs and there are still some errors and omissions.

designer relationship: A multitude of relationship styles and arrangements, navigated with consent of all parties involved. This term was coined by Ken Haslam, founder of the Kinsey Institute’s Polyamory Archive.

Acknowledgement: Stanley Birnbaum, MD passed away January 2020, at the age of 96. I forgot to acknowledge him in the book, but had the unexpected opportunity to thank him in person a year ago. His expertise combined with years of practice in the field of gynecology, led him to diagnose issues I had suffered with for years. He was an exceptional physician.

Gynecologists & Pelvic Medicine Specialists – Please email susanamayer3@gmail.com with name of practitioner and website of the pelvic pain specialist and/or gynecologist you would like to recommend. 

https://centerforpelvicmedicine.com– Specializes in non-surgical approaches to pelvic and sexual health for women. (Full disclosure – I have been a patient of Susan Kellogg Spadt, PhD for over a decade.)

https://www.princetongyn.com – Women’s gynecological healthcare practice. Dr. Maria Sophocles is considered a leader and innovator in volvovaginal health and female sexual medicine. (Full Disclosure – I have consulted with her occasionally.)

http://www.sexualrehab.com – Heather S. Howard, PhD is a practicing clinical sexologist in San Francisco, CA., specializing in non-surgical approaches to pelvic and sexual health for men and women.

https://www.menopause.org/for-women/find-a-menopause-practitioner– listing of NAMS Certified Menopause Practitioners


https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5005297/– study showing significant improvement in sexual function, particularly desire.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19090937– Acupuncture significantly reduces pain provoked by vestibulodynia. 

https://manylivescm.com/how-to-improve-a-lagging-libido-with-acupuncture/– Explanation of how acupuncture has the potential to improve libido.

https://www.medicalacupuncture.org/Find-an-Acupuncturist– American Academy of Medical Acupuncture referral directory. 

https://www.nccaom.org/find-a-practitioner-directory/  – National Certification Commission for Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine (NCCAOM®)  Acupuncture referral directory.

Chinatown in many larger cities have wonderful Chinese trained acupuncturists. They often do not hold a U.S. certificate, but are quite skilled in the treatment of libido and pain issues. Word of mouth is the best way to find practitioner. 

Anatomical Illustrations of Genitalia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoris– clitoris

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoral_erection– erect clitoris

https://www.bishuk.com/bodies/the-clitoris-and-vagina/– clitoris and vagina

http://levitracanada.biz/study-shows-prostate-massage-improves-male-orgasm-and-keeps-cancer-at-bay– male genitalia, prostate – p spot massage


https://www.martyklein.com– Changing the Way People, Politics & the Media Look at Sex

https://joanprice.com– Advocate for ageless sexuality and fitness

http://www.ashleymanta.com– CannaSexual®: Combining sex and cannabis (not necessary to get high) to deepen intimacy and enhance pleasure.

https://www.kinseyinstitute.org– Exploring love, sexuality, 
and well-being

https://www.ncsfreedom.org– Advocate for consenting adults in the BDSM-Leather-Fetish, Swing, and Polyamory Communities.

 http://esensualwellbeing.com – Directed Erotic Visualisation© (DEV©) an immersive audio experience, blending meditation, visualization, and suggestion techniques.

http://www.beingshameless.com– Pamela Madsen is a fearless advocate for women’s health and integrated sexuality.

https://www.tinynibbles.com– Violet Blue offers Open Source Sex. Curated collections of explicit literate erotica, sex news, sex info, links and more. She is an award winning author, columnist and investigative tech reporter. Her bio is on her website, which is most impressive.

http://www.surrogatetherapy.org/what-is-surrogate-partner-therapy/– International Professional Surrogates Association. 

http://www.thesexsurrogate.com– Surrogate Partner Therapy 

Erotica/Explicit Sex Photography, Art Books

https://www.erotica-readers.com– An international community of men and women interested in the provocative world of erotica and sensual pleasures. This website features original erotic fiction, current calls for submissions, and publishing advice for authors, sex toy and adult movie recommendations, and a forum focused on adult issues, activities and relationships.

https://www.tinynibbles.com/erotica– Dirty Stories for Thoughtfully Dirty Minds

https://chyoa.com– Interactive Erotica — Fiction for Adults

https://www.bellesa.co/story/all– Erotic Stories – short stories and chapters of books. 

https://www.frolicme.com/stories/– Free explicit and naughty stories from renown published erotic authors. Various categories are offered.  

http://rachelkramerbussel.com– Editor of erotica anthologies and audio books. Rachel also teaches in-person and on-line writing classes. 

On-line: Type in “old masters erotica, or Shunga, or erotic photographs,” on the menu bar press on “images.”

https://www.artsy.net/article/editorial-what-is-shunga– Definition of Shunga

https://www.theartstory.org/section-artists.htm– Biographies and analysis of the work of the modern artists whose depictions had a significant erotic component. Click on icons to enlarge.

Hormone Replacement Therapy – Research has shown that how HRT is administered, the type of HRT and when treatments starts all produce different results.


https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/menopause-hormone-therapy#1– Research study on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).

http://www.shrewsburyobgyn.com/Guide_to_Vaginal_Estrogens_and_Lubricants.pdf– A guide to lotions and potions for treating vaginal atrophy.

https://www.mdedge.com/obgyn/article/63791/guide-lotions-and-potions-treating-vaginal-atrophy– A guide to lotions and potions for treating vaginal atrophy. 

https://www.health.harvard.edu/womens-health/what-are-bioidentical-hormones– Description of bioidentical hormones.

Treatments for Vaginal Issues:

https://sexualityresources.com/ask-dr-myrtle/womens-issues-and-sexual-problems/vaginal-renewal-tm– Vaginal Renewal™ Program – A Woman’s Touch: Sexuality Resource Center

http://www.smilemonalisa.com: Gentle laser treatment for atrophic vaginitis. Providers can be found on this website. The FDA has approved this treatment for certain gynecological procedures, but not atrophic vaginitis. However, gynecologists in the U.S. have been using it off-label with success. https://www.fda.gov/files/medical%20devices/published/Cynosure–Inc.-Letter—July-24–2018.pdf. The laser treatment has been used successfully for years in Europe and other countries to treat genitourinary syndrome of menopause. (Full disclosure: I have used this treatment with great success.)

Lubricant/Moisturizer Guide

http://dangerouslilly.com/lube-guide/– Ingredients to avoid.

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/best-homemade-sex-lube-alternatives#slide-1– Homemade lubricants

https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/patient-education/vaginal-health#vaginal-and-vulvar-moisturizers– Cancer Survivor’s Best Moisturizer & Lubricants

Marijuana and Sex

https://www.leafly.com/news/health/sex-after-50-cannabis– Article on the potential of Cannabis to increase sexual satisfaction.

https://www.smoa.jsexmed.org/article/S2050-1161(19)30009-1/fulltext– Study shows marijuana has the potential to improve satisfaction with orgasm. 

http://www.ashleymanta.com: CannaSexual® : Mindfully and deliberately combining sex and cannabis.


http://dodsonandross.com/index.php/about– Betty Dodson is considered the “Godmother of Masturbation.”

http://dodsonandross.com/sexfeature/first-time-orgasm– Betty Dodson’s guide to having an orgasm for the first time. 

Medications with possible side effect of low libido

Consult with your pharmacist prior to having any of your prescriptions filled, to see if it could cause a sexual issue.

https://www.aarp.org/health/drugs-supplements/info-04-2012/medications-that-can-cause-sexual-dysfunction.html– Drugs that can cause sexual problems. 

https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-medications-might-lower-a-persons-libido/– Medications that have the potential to lower your libido.


https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19090937– Study showing mindfulness significantly improves several aspects of sexual response and reduces sexual distress in women with sexual desire and arousal disorders. 

https://www.consciouslifestylemag.com/mindful-sex-practices/– Mindful Sex:
Powerful Practices for Increasing Pleasure, Connection and Consciousness

Option Method 

http://www.optionmethodnetwork.com/dialogues/dialoguequestions.htm– Option Method original questions.


https://www.morethantwo.com– More Than Two: Franklin Veaux’s Polyamory Site. A website offering a wealth of information pertaining to polyamory and ethical non-monogamy.

www.meetup.com– A good source for finding local polyamory groups.

https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org– A nonprofit group educating the public on polyamory and ethical non-monogamy through conferences, seminars, webinars and their Loving More magazine. 

http://polyweekly.com– Podcast and blog relating to all things poly.

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com– Practical guide to polyamory.

Roleplay & Kink

https://www.lelo.com/blog/explore-sexual-role-playing/– Information about roleplaying and examples.

https://www.lovense.com/bdsm-blog– Kink Closet: In depth information and articles about kink, fetish, and BDSM scenes and products. 

https://www.lovense.com/sex-toy-blog– Toy Chest: Information, articles and reviews of sex toys.

http://www.passionalboutique.com: On-line/brick and mortar shop in Philadelphia. Kink classes, clothing and toys/aids.

https://www.kinkly.com/6/8829/sex-tips/bdsm/bdsm-101/4: BDSM tutorial

https://www.kinkly.com/2/1131/beyond-missionary/5-expert-tips-for-getting-your-kink-on: Tips for becoming kinky. 

https://shop.kinkly.com: Sex toys/aids

Sex Positions for Physically Challenged Body

https://www.peerwell.co/blog/2016/05/25/sex-after-joint-replacement-surgery-how-to/– Sex After a Joint Replacement: The Definitive How-to Guide.

https://nahealth.com/vvmc-joint-replacement-program/sex-after-kneehip-replacement-surgery– Sex positions after knee/hip replacement surgery.

https://www.popsci.com/article/science/sex-positions-wont-break-your-artificial-hip-according-science#page-2– Sex positions after hip replacement surgery.

Sex Toy Safety

https://www.inverse.com/article/30641-sex-toys-testing-regulations – Article on lack of regulation regarding toxic materials, harmful design flaws, and misleading packaging of sex toys.

Sex Toy/Aid

http://healiohealth.com/products/index/1630,https://eros-therapy.com– EROS Clitoral Therapy Device: FDA Approved Device for Female Sexual Dysfunction.

https://www.eroscillator.com– Conclusion from Yale University study cited on Eroscillator website: Genital vibratory stimulation device use resulted in uniform improvements in sexual function, satisfaction, sexually related distress and genital sensation.
Read more: https://www.eroscillator.com/eroscillator/yale-university-clinical#ixzz5qNTvkbKt

https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/patient-education/how-use-vaginal-dilator: How to use a vaginal dilator.

https://www.vuvatech.com/collections/vaginal-dilators: Vaginal dilator – one size or sets.

https://www.vuvatech.com/collections/vaginal-dilators/products/ohnut-set-of-3-1-bonus-ring– Ohnut (4 adjusting soft rings): Sex aid worn at base of penis to adjust depth of penetration. 

https://www.fwhc.org/health/selfcare.htm: Cervical/Vaginal Self Exam instructions

https://www.fwhc.org/sale3.htm#plainspec: Self-Exam Kit 

https://www.fwhc.org/sale3.htm#plainspec: Simple Speculum

Sex Toys (Internet & App Enabled – teledildonics) – long (between countriesandshort (between rooms) distance sex toys.







Sexual Pleasuring for Women

http://dodsonandross.com/about– Betty Dodson PhD and Carlin Ross JD launched this site in 2007 to promote the “Betty Dodson” method of selflove and feminist-based sex education.

https://intimateartscenter.com– Pleasure centered site includes books, classes, articles, and coaching.

Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) 

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds-hiv-safer-sex– Detailed information about STI’s and treatments.

http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/insite?page=pr-06-01– Some solutions to the most common condom problems. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIbca2p6Tb4– How to use a condom and cock ring. Helpful for men with fickle penises. 

State Laws and Bans regarding Sex and Romance

https://thoughtcatalog.com/nicole-weaver/2014/11/12-bizarrely-real-laws-about-love-and-romance-in-the-us-that-you-cant-believe-were-passed/– Article: 12 Bizarrely Real Laws About Love And Romance In The US That You Can’t Believe Were Passed

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/gay-marriage-bans– Article: These States Still Ban Cohabitation, Sex Toys… And Gay Marriage

Tantric Sex

Tantra Articles – Various magazines and websites. 

Tantra Practicioners – Workshops, events, classes (in-person, on-line), coaching, articles. 

Therapists and Treatments for Sexual Abuse

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/sexual-abuse– List of sexual abuse therapists in Psychology Today.

https://www.aasect.org–  List of American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) certified professionals.

Videos/films –  There are few videos/films at this time that depict older adults enjoying sexual pleasure. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the view. These video sites are meant to spark your erotic energy and translate to an interest in expressing yourself sexually. Some of these sites are membership based, but many offer free trailers or a few videos to view before you have to pay to see more. Sometimes several 2 minute trailers is all you need to get sexually triggered.

https://www.abbywinters.com– Wholesome young amateur women alone, together, and with their boyfriends.

http://candidaroyalle.com– Pioneer of couple centric erotic cinema.

https://brightdesire.com/tour/– Feminist porn for women and men. Here you’ll find a different kind of porn: re-visioned, feminist, artistic and positive. 

https://www.frolicme.com/films/– Erotic films and sexy videos for women, couples and discerning men. (2 minute trailer for each full length film free)

https://xconfessions.com– Many types of sexual fantasies come to life in award winning films. Soulsex with John & Annie 

https://xconfessions.com/film/soulsex-with-john-and-annie is one film acted by older adults. ErikaLust produces women/couples centered, feminist porn.

https://www.bellesa.co/video/all– Free videos with the option to choose categories (type of sex you wish to watch). Sensual (soft porn) to rough (wild) and everything in between. 

https://sparkerotic.com/home/trailers/– “Authentic, to us, means sexuality that is real and between people who are actual lovers, not strangers. All of our team have relationship and friendship with each other and many are committed couples. You can feel the difference because they can.”

https://www.sexart.com– Erotic cinema for discerning adults – romantic porn.

https://sssh.com– Feminist porn for women and couples. 

https://lustcinema.com– Erika Lust, is an award winning Swedish writer and director of erotic/porn films.


https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19912493– Study: Higher improvement in libido, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction, and pain for older women after completion of yoga sessions.

https://www.doyouyoga.com/7-fabulous-yoga-poses-to-your-increase-libido/– Yoga poses to increase libido.

https://www.thealternativedaily.com/yoga-poses-to-improve-libido/– Yoga poses to increase libido.


Anal Pleasure

Anal Pleasure and Health, Jack Morin

Bed Talk, Phone Sex, Sexting

HOW TO TALK DIRTY: 275 Dirty Talk Examples That You Can Whip Out in Any Scenarios, Thomas Fletcher

How to Talk Dirty: Sassy, Dirty Talking Secrets for Driving Your Partner Absolutely Wild, Brian Hughs

HOW TO TALK DIRTY: More than 300 Sexting Examples, Killer Lines and Role-Playing Ideas to Drive Your Partner Crazy for You | From Subtle Sexual Innuendo to Hardcore Dirty Talk,Jeffrey Edwards

BDSM Primer

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, Jay Wiseman

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism,Philip Miller and Molly Devon

Exploring BDSM: A Workbook for Couples (or More!) Discovering Kink, Ms Morgan Thorne 


Getting the Sex You Want, Tammy Nelson

Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Ways to Create More Love and Less Conflict, Jonathan Robinson

Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America’s Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship, John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman

Designer Relationships / Non-Monogamy / Open Relationships / Polyamory / Swinging 

Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships,Mark A. Michaels, and Patricia Johnson

More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert

Opening Up, Tristan Taormino

Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships, Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jetha


Liberating Masturbation, Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving, Betty Dodson


Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire,Lori A Brotto

From Madness to mindfulness, Jennifer Gunsauluus 


The Erotic Mind, Jack Morin

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure, Sheri Winston

Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse, Marty Klein, Riki Robbins

Come as You Are: The surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, Emily Nagoski

Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic + the Domestic, Esther Perel

Partners in Passion:A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy and Long-Term Love, Mark A Michaels and Patricia Johnson

Why Good Sex Matters, Nan Wise

Primal Pleasure

The Pleasure Zone: Why We Resist Good Feelings and How to Let Go and Be Happy, Stella Resnick

Prostate Pleasure

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners, Charlie Glickman

Sexual Desire

The Heart of Desire: Keys to the Pleasure of Love, Stella Resnick

The Return of Desire: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion, Gina Ogden

Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it Can Help you Improve your Sex Life, Justin J. Lehmiller

Writing to Overcome Sexual Abuse

Writing Ourselves Whole, Jenny Cross