Glossary

Ageless Sex: The physical expression of intimacy taking into consideration emotional needs, aging bodies, health challenges, and one’s Conscious Coupling lifestyle.

amateur porn: Sexually explicit videos made by real people—that is, not professional actors— taping themselves and putting it online.

andropausal: Relating to andropause or “male menopause.” Andropause is not considered a valid concept by all medical practitioners. Proponents claim it is a decline in testosterone levels that can lead to erectile dysfunction and other symptoms similar to those appearing in women’s menopause, such as mood-swings, loss of concentration, and depression/malaise. The male drop in hormone levels is gradual and less extreme than for women. Therefore, the male reproductive system does not cease functioning altogether, although after the age of 40 the volume and quality of the sperm decreases, and it can take longer for the partner to conceive. Moreover, these men have a greater chance of fathering children who have genetic abnormalities. Vitamins may improve sperm quality for older men.¹

arousal (sexual arousal): The involuntary reaction to external stimuli, thoughts, and fantasies. 

arousal feedback loop: A cyclical interaction in which sexual partners get turned on by each other’s expression of pleasure. This produces a continuous loop of each being turned on by the other person.

asexual: As used in this book: the long-term lack of sexual attraction to other people, or lack of interest in behaving sexually.

atrophic vaginitis: Degeneration and inflammation of the vaginal lining in postmenopausal women, resulting from a decline in estrogen level usually after menopause. The vaginal walls become brittle, thin, inflexible, inflamed, and secrete less fluid, creating symptoms of itching, irritation, and/or pain during vaginal penetration. Also known as vulvovaginal atrophy (VVA).  

Authentic Sex Life: An approach to one’s own sexuality honoring how one feels about one’s sexuality and then consciously acting on it.

collagen: As it pertains to the vagina: a protein fiber that helps strengthen, cushion, and create flexibility in the vaginal wall. 

compounded medications: Customized medications with FDA-approved ingredients, formulated by a licensed pharmacist.

Conscious Coupling: As used in this book: the application of the concept Authentic Sex Life to the context of a relationship, making certain all people involved in the relationship are having their needs met.

consent: Sexual consent is a voluntary agreement to engage in a specific sexual activity. It is an agreement that may change over time, or even during a single sexplay session. When referring to monogamy and non-monogamy consent, it is an informed contract (often verbal) that each party agrees to follow and which has consequences if violated.

consensual non-monogamy (CNM): an umbrella term that refers to various styles couples navigate consensually, giving them the option to have one or more outside sexual and/or emotional arrangements.

designer relationship: A multitude of relationship styles and arrangements, navigated with consent of all parties involved.

desire discrepancy: A relationship issue in which one partner wants more sex than the other, or wants a different style of sex. Another term in use is libido discrepancy.

disorder: (sexual disorder): Specific physical or psychological issues that can contribute to a sexual dysfunction, for example, female interest/arousal disorder, female orgasmic disorder, pain disorder. These may affect sexual pleasure.

dungeon: A space with special equipment used for BDSM play.

dysfunction (sexual dysfunction): A condition in which the body does not function properly and the results affects the sexual response cycle negatively. Sexual dysfunctions ultimately affect sexual satisfaction. 

dyspareunia: A medical term describing all types of painful intercourse, triggered by stimulation or penetration, or simply spontaneous. Pain may occur prior to, during, or after intercourse. This umbrella term includes vaginismus, vulvovaginal atrophy (VVA), vulvodynia, and vestibulitis along with other conditions that produce pain. 

edging: Building up to and maintaining a high level of sexual arousal over a long period, before or instead of orgasm/ejaculation.

energy orgasm: When people tune into the ecstasy of intimacy, without physical touch, but not exclusively.

erectile dysfunction (ED): A clinical expression and its abbreviation, now used instead of the term “impotence.” ED is the persistent or recurring inability of the penis to become erect or keep an erection long enough for penetration and satisfaction. Frequent “limp penis” can be a sign of a more severe medical condition. Occasional “soft penis” might reflect general stress or issues within a relationship. This would not be considered erectile dysfunction, but erectile dissatisfaction. The term was changed when Viagra was first marketed as a penile enhancing drug (PED). 

erotic connection: As used in this book: passionate feelings expressed through verbal and physical forms of affection without sexual stimulation, such as through text messages, hugs, etc. This form of connection focuses on sustaining eroticism between acts of sexual expression. 

erotic plasticity: The impact that situational, cultural, and social factors have on an individual’s sex drive, which adapts uniquely to all of these for each person. 

ethical pornography: Pornography that respects the rights of performers, is created with safe and equitable working conditions, and displays consent in extreme sexual practice scenes. 

expanded sex: A collective term that includes the typical genital-focused touching and penetration, as well as any other type of physical expression, including fondling, kissing, stroking, and other forms of intimacy not necessarily confined to the genital area. 

extended orgasm: Orgasm in which the physiological orgasm cycle is lengthened.

Human Sexual Response Cycle (HSRC): A model developed by Masters and Johnson to describe the physiological stages of the traditional orgasm.

intimacy: A concept indicating how people relate to each other, especially within a friendship or a romantic/sexual relationship. Conceptually, intimacy involves emotional closeness plus being able to tell one’s truth and feel safe. It can include physical closeness.

LGBTQIA: Collective abbreviation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, Intersex, and Asexual or Allied communities.

libido: Sexual energy generated by the combination of sex drive and sexual desire. The sex drive is mainly regulated by biology (sex hormones), whereas desire is influenced by psychological and social factors. Sexual arousal can also affect sexual desire.

libido disparity: A relationship issue in which one partner wants more sex than the other, or wants a different style of sex. Another term in use is desire discrepancy.

lichen sclerosus (LS): A skin condition with unknown origin. Symptoms include shiny, smooth white spots in the early stages and may progress to the skin’s thinning, cracking, and bleeding along with severe itching. Menopausal women are most susceptible, since LS is associated with low estrogen levels. This condition is chronic and progressive, and treatments must continue for the life of the patient. (A list of treatments can be found on the book’s website.)

loop (arousal feedback loop): A cyclical interaction in which sexual partners get turned on by each other’s expression of pleasure. This produces a continuous loop of each one being turned on by the other person.

menopausal women: In this book, this term refers to any women in any of the stages of menopause: 

• Peri-menopause – occurs 10-13 years prior to menopause, usually beginning in a woman’s 40s, but can begin as early as her 30s. Average length is 4 years, but may last only a few months or continue as long as 10 years.
• Menopause – occurs when a woman has had no menstrual period for the previous 12 consecutive months. (The average age for women in the United States to begin menopause is 51 years.) Menopause is an event, not a period of time or a state of being.
• Post-menopause – the years after official menopause.

metacommunication: The nonverbal cues (tone of voice, body language, gestures, facial expressions, etc.) that influence how verbal information is interpreted.

monogamish: Characterizing a committed relationship where committed partners agree they can have sex with others under specific conditions set by the couple. The term was coined by sex advice columnist Dan Savage.

multiple orgasms: A sequence of one complete orgasm cycle after another, with an extremely brief refractory period in between.

NAMS: The North American Menopause Society.

neuroplasticity (brain plasticity): The brain’s ability to reorganize (compensate) in response to environmental, behavioral, and neural (injury) influences.

nontraditional orgasm: See orgasm, but without being genitally focused.

normal: In this book, “normal” describes a vast range of anything to do with sex when sexual consent is given.

open relationship: An agreement between partners allowing each the option to explore emotional and/or sexual relationships with others.

orgasm: As defined by Annie Sprinkle, PhD: “Orgasm is the pleasurable explosion or streaming of built-up erotic or sexual energy in its broadest sense. And it can occur in many different areas of the body, in many different ways.”²

outercourse: As used in this book: a collective term including any form of sexual activity that does not include penile penetration.

PED: Penile enhancing drugs.

pegging: A sexual activity in which a woman wears a strap-on dildo to perform anal sex on a man.

perineum: The surface area located between the anus and the scrotum or vulva. 

Personal Path to Pleasure: An individual’s unique method and style of creating pleasure with an ever-changing body.

plasticity (erotic plasticity): The impact that situational, cultural, and social factors have on an individual’s sex drive.

polyamory (polyamorous): Consensual romantic relationships with more than one person.

prostate stimulator: A sex toy/aid to self-stimulate the prostate.

pubococcygeus (PC) muscle: A muscle that forms the floor of the pelvic cavity and supports the pelvic organs in both men and women. It is shaped like a hammock and stretches from the pubic bone to the tail bone.

pudendum, pundenda (plural): The external genital organs, most often used for women’s genitalia (vulva).

relating-ship: A variant of the noun relationship that emphasizes its root in the verb relate, recognizing that a relationship is a continually changing arrangement.

rimming (rim job): Slang term for analingus/anilingus. Stimulation of the perineum and anal area with the tongue. This can be performed externally, or internally by using the tongue to penetrate the anus. 

sex: Taken from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

 Sex (noun) 

: the state of being male or female

: men or male animals as a group or women or female animals as a group

: physical activity in which people touch each other’s bodies, kiss each other, etc. 

: physical activity that is related to and often includes sexual intercourse

Sex (verb)

 : to identify the sex of (as in “to sex newborn chicks”).

In this book, the word sex (the activity) is to be defined by the reader as whatever makes that person feel that they have had an erotic experience.

sex drive: The innate urge to be sexually satisfied, which is influenced by biological factors and sometimes the state of sexual desire.

sex expanded: A collective term that includes the typical genital-focused touching and penetration as well as any other type of physical expression, including fondling, kissing, stroking, and other forms of intimacy not necessarily confined to the genital area. Synonym of expanded sex. 

sexologist: A clinical sexologist specializes in human sexual behavior—what people do sexually and how they think and feel about it. These professionals counsel, educate, and offer specific verbal instructions to help clients meet their goals. Clinical sexologists are sex-positive and nonjudgmental when addressing sexual concerns. 

sexplay: Enjoyment of sexual pleasure with no goals or expectations involved. This may include all forms of sexual activity, any type of consensual sexual expression. (See expanded sex, outercourse, sex, sex expanded.)

sex toys/aids: Objects or gadgets designed to make sex easier and/or enhance sexual pleasure. May be used alone or with a partner(s). Many common objects such as cucumbers and hair clips can be repurposed as sex toys. (See Chapter 6.)

sexual arousal: The physiological reaction to external stimuli, thoughts, and fantasies. 

sexual desire: The psychological interest in behaving sexually, influenced by psychological and social factors, and sometimes by the state of sexual arousal.

sexual disorder: Specific physical or psychological issues that can contribute to a sexual dysfunction, for example, female interest/arousal disorder, female orgasmic disorder, pain disorder. These may affect sexual pleasure.

sexual dysfunction: A condition in which the body does not function properly and the results affects the sexual response cycle negatively. Sexual dysfunctions ultimately affect sexual satisfaction. 

Sexual Pleasure Model: A concept developed by Susana Mayer, sexologist and author of this book, to describe the basic cycle leading towards sexual pleasure, with and without traditional orgasm. 

STI: Sexually transmitted infection.

swinging: Typically, a couple engaging in sexual activities with other people with no emotional attachment or expectations.

traditional orgasm: The physiological pattern of the Human Sexual Response Cycle (HSRC) as described by William Masters and Virginia Johnson. It is a sequence of physical stages that has four phases: arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution.

urogenital atrophy: Degeneration and inflammation of the vulva, vagina, and lower urinary tract, usually due to low estrogen. Symptoms include: vaginal dryness, irritation and itching, incontinence, urinary urgency, and infections. “Degeneration” refers to a decrease in size or healthiness of a body component.

vagina: The canal connecting the outside of the body to the cervix, which is the opening to the uterus. The elastic, muscular structure of a healthy vaginal canal has a flexible lining that becomes lubricated during physical stimulation. Note that the vagina is a potential space, more like a deflated balloon than a tube. When penetrated, it expands to enclose the penis, dildo, finger, or tampon.

vaginismus: A PC (pubococcygeus) muscle spasm creating a tight constriction that obstructs vaginal penetration. The cause can be of physical or non-physical origin. Some examples of non-physical causes include fears, stress, anxiety, relationship issues, and trauma. Examples of physical causes include medical conditions, soreness and scarring from having given vaginal birth, age-related changes, temporary pelvic pain, pelvic trauma, physical abuse, intense athletic/dance training and injury, and medications. 

vasocongestion: Swelling of body tissues with blood. Additional blood flows into the capillaries, which expand and cause the swelling. Sexual stimulation can lead to normal pelvic vasocongestion.

• vulva:  The external parts of the female genital organs, located in the pubic region. The vulva includes the outer lips, inner lips, clitoris, opening to the urethra, and the opening to the vagina. The internal female genital organs include the vaginal canal, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, and internal legs (crura) of the clitoris.

vulvodynia: As defined by the International Pelvic Pain Society: “Vulvar pain of at least 3 months duration, without clear identifiable cause, which may have potential associated factors (may be a multifactorial condition).” The two main subtypes are vulvar vestibulitis syndrome and generalized vulvodynia. Vestibulitis is localized to the vestibule, the area at the entry to the vagina. It normally only occurs when provoked by attempted vaginal penetration. Generalized vulvodynia pain can be localized or in multiple areas of the vulva. It can sometime extend to the perineum and inner thighs, often occurring spontaneously and lasting indefinitely. There are more than a dozen different diseases or conditions that can contribute to the symptoms of vulvodynia. 

vulvovaginal atrophy (VVA): Degeneration and inflammation of the vaginal lining in postmenopausal women, resulting from a decline in estrogen level usually after menopause. The vaginal walls become brittle, thin, inflexible, inflamed, and secrete less fluid, creating symptoms of itching, irritation, and/or pain during vaginal penetration. Also known as atrophic vaginitis